I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
