Plan B is the new Plan A
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
