my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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