He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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