she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
