You're my little dorito
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
