i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
