I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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