i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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