i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
