ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
