Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
