tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
