you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
