I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
