i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
