Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Fuck appropriateness.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
