hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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