We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
