I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
