i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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