that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
