You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
