If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
