I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
