Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
