I swear she didn't look like that last week.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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