I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
