just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
