True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
