So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
