He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
she peed on how many people?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
