and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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