i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
