you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
