Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
