You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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