Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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