She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
