Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize