They should really pass out barf bags in church
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
