Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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