I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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