u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
