i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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