the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
