is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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