Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
