So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Someone shit on the floor
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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