Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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