I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
