Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
