the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
