fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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