ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
