I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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