I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
