we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
