So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
