Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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