I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
