I just threw up on my dentist
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
