yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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