even my farts smell like vagina
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
