he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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