Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
she told me i tasted like america
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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