I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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