You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
