Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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