Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
