BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
