No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
