it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
