We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
