If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
