i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
