you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
