I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
