Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
