did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
