i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
