remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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