Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
