I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize