I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Alive.
So much puke
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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