i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
