All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
