Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
