You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
