Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
