I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
