I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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