Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
