if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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